Getting the Go-Ahead

My Visit to the Callen-Lorde Counseler:
Last week I had my appointment with the counselor at Callen-Lorde. I was admittedly nervous. I wasn't sure what I was going to be expected to do or say there. Would I be explaining myself and be expected to prove that I knew what I was doing or simply prove that I wasn't crazy? After 25 years of trying to explain it to myself I doubt my ability to find a convincing explanation in one appointment.

Thankfully every concern was put to rest immediately after I sat down. I was told I was simply there so that he could make sure I was getting all the services and support I needed. I was given a mental health seal of approval and can start hormones on June 6. After that I was sent to the Gay and Lesbian Community Center to join one of their support groups.

At my initial interview I was asked what gender I identified as? I thought this was a strange question to ask someone at a place called the Gender Identity Project. I answered Male, no trans identifiers, for the first time and it occurred to me what I was really doing. I wasn't crossing gender boundaries to exist on the other side, I was crossing so I could make my home on the border. Until I know what it's like to live as a man I can never know what it's like to live as both or neither. Sometimes you have to travel beyond yourself to know who you really are.