Sunday, July 25, 2004

Testosterone at 2 months

It's been two months injecting Testosterone. Although I don't think I look all that different I'm starting to feel some of the effects. I've now had four half doses over the course of two months and my next dose will be a full 1 ml. I'm having some trouble sleeping and feel like I've been thrown into the rhythm of a teenager. Even when I'm exhausted I'm up until 2 a.m. and want to stay in bed until well past noon. I'm also beginning to break out a bit. Thus far my face has stayed pretty clear but my chest is covered in pimples.

I've graduated from self-injection school and can now give myself shots at home. As a graduation gift I got my very own Sharps bio-hazard waste container. After my shot on Friday I felt a bit achy all over. It felt a lot like the growing pains I had as a kid. I know I'm not supposed to get any taller, but it's nice to dream. More likely it's my muscles changing and growing.

The last major change I've noticed is in my temperament. In the past as far as the fight or flight instinct went I was pretty much a frequent flier. If provoked enough I would stand up for myself, but it certainly wasn't my first choice. Now I find myself getting angry a lot more quickly and instead of sitting down and "talking about my feelings," I'd rather hit someone. I know that I won't resort to violence, but it's an interesting feeling nonetheless. In time I think this energy could be a positive thing, helping me to be more assertive and stand up for myself better, but right now it's just a lot to try and understand and deal with. All in good time, I suppose.

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

One of the boys

I've begun working at a fine art screen printing shop doing screen prep. They print for the likes of Chuck Close and Leroy Neiman. It's an interesting environment, watching the business of art. It's also interesting in that I'm the only non-guy working in the back room. My boss rarely refers to me by my name but rather "buster," "buddy," and "brother er...sister." I feel as though I've proven myself to be a hard worker in a rather physical job. It's just hard for me to ask for help lifting screens or anything like that because I don't know if people see me as more of a girl when I do or not. It's not surprising that anyone would need help maneuvering a screen that's 5 feet by 7 feet, but still.

It's a very active environment and I enjoy the solitude of blowing out screens and going about my business. It's also been nice being surrounded by men. I feel like I'm learning to be more assertive and not back down if I feel like someone is making fun of me. Chances are they are just joking around and I'm learning that in order to feel like "one of the boys" I need to give it back and not back down.

Thursday, July 15, 2004

Dr. Tatiana's Sex Advice for all Creation

When you gaze at a couple and wonder
What makes him him and her her
Beware, for it's easy to blunder
And be false in what you aver.
Some creatures change sex before tea time
Some others find two sexes dull
And that virile male fish has no free time
He's got all his kiddies to lull.
When it comes to the topic of gender
Mother natures been having some fun.
Take nothing for granted, remember,
You wont find any rules, not a one.
by Evolutionary Biologist Dr. Olivia Judson aka Dr. Tatiana
"Dr. Tatiana's Sex Advice for all Creation."